Blonde Jokes...

Yeah, I know, I'm a blonde. But, they are hilarious!!! I don't take it too offensively...(: And if you're bored some day, what better is there to do than laugh??

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are standing in front of the Mirror of Truth. It sucks up and kills anyone who tells a lie in front of it. So the brunette says, "I'm the smartest person in the world." She gets sucked up and dies.The redhead says,"I've got the most curly hair," and she gets sucked up and dies also. The blonde says,"I think....." and she gets sucked up and dies.




A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
      "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
      "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
      "Okay, where do you live?"
      "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
      "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly.
      "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"




A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
     The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
     Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
     The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."




Q. How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday?
A. Tell it to her on Tuesday.




Once a blonde decided to go ice fishing. She grabbed all her equipment and put on her fishing outfit.. She walked out onto the icy surface and found a good spot. She took a knife and made a large circle in the ice with it.
     "NO! Not there! You will find no fish!" a booming voice announced out of nowhere. So the blonde moved a few feet away and made another circle.      "NO!! Not there either!!" The voice boomed again. The blonde moved a third time, making another circle on the ice.
     "I said, NO!! There is no fish there!!" The voice boomed again.
     "Is that you, God?" The blonde called out.
     "NO!!" The voice boomed. "It's the manager of the ice rink!!"




Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.




A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde had just robbed a bank and they were trying to escape from the cops. They ran down an alley and saw three huge potato sacks. They hopped inside just in time, and the cops didn't see them. Puzzled, the cops looked at the bags suspiciously. One cop kicked the brunette's bag, she meowed, and the cop thought nothing of it. He then kicked the redhead's bag, she made a clanking noise with her shoes, and the cop thought it was just some garbage. Then he moved on to the blonde's bag. He kicked it and she said "Potatoes!" 




Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first."




One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"




A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."




A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.




A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
     Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
     Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.




Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. 




Q. Why was the blonde staring in the fridge?
A. The orange juice said "Concentrate".




Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.